I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
