best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
