i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
