he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
