I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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