i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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