We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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