i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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