You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
