so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
