I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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