she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize