sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
