I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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