are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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