Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
