My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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