the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
