I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
