He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
