He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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