There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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