the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
