She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
