Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
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He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
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Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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