Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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