I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
