Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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