Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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