I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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