The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
