Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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