I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
