his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
