My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
