Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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