So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
