Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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