there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
