im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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