Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
