Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
