Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
