Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
