You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just sucked dick on a ferry
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize