Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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