Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
