I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize