Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
