Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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