I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
