TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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