my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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