now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
