My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Pooping to opera.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
