i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
