lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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