either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Will exercising make me less horny?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
