so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
