I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
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And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
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I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think I just sharted jello shots
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