he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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