If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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