Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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