You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My nipple is on Facebook.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
