4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
