She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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