So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
