i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize