Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
