lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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