did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
