True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
