my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
