I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
