He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
