just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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