HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
