The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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