im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We had to coat check the pizza.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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