I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
